Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

I think for me one of the hardest things is deciding if who I am dating is someone I could potentially marry. I have a tendency to “fall in love” quickly. Although in my marriage preparation class I am coming to learn that real love takes time to develop. For this reason in this class I have also learned the importance of taking time to slowly progress in a relationship. It is important to take time to really get to know a person before progressing to a serious relationship.
Recently I broke up with a guy that I have been dating for a month and a half. It has been a really difficult decision and has left me feeling rather empty. Yet there has been something in the back of my mind telling me that I can not marry this guy. I have been ignoring it because I love spending time with him so much. Two Fridays ago my sister asked me if I thought I could marry this guy, considering that I was dating him exclusively. Although I said I realized that this is what dating exclusively meant, it was hard for me to feel right about saying I could marry him.
As I drove home that Friday night I just prayed that God would direct me on what I should do. I felt so confused and upset. My friend called me and came over to talk with me. As we talked out the issue, I began to realize that I had known for sometime that it would be better for me to break up. As I talked to my friend I had a feeling of peace come over me helping me to realize that this would be the best choice.
God will always guide us in decisions that are so important for us. A lot of times our vision and understanding is limited, but He knows what is best for us and will guide us to make that decision. Although I felt like I should break up with my boyfriend, I still loved him a lot and a big part of me did not want to go through with it. I decided to go to the temple to pray about my decision.
In the temple I felt very clearly that it was time for me to make a decision that was best for me. I had been really concerned about hurting my boyfriend and for that reason did not want to end things right away and just wanted to wait for the end of the semester. I felt God letting me know that I needed to make a decision that was best for me.
Despite the peace I had felt, I still worried about what I was doing. In church that Sunday, a lesson talked about choosing between good, better and best decisions. I knew that although I was being blessed by my relationship and was blessing his life as well, that the best choice for me would be to end things and let us both find someone we could potentially marry. I felt the peace of God’s Spirit direct me that this would be the choice to bring me the most happiness.
That night I spoke with my boyfriend and explained that although I loved him, I felt that we did not have a future together. And that because of this it would be best for us to go our separate ways. As I talked to him, I again felt peace that the decision I was making was best. Although I felt this peace, and feel it again as I write this, I still really miss him and feel like a part of me is missing. I think it’s important to remember that these things are not easy, but God will direct us with feelings of peace. These choices prompted by God will lead us to the most happiness, even though in the beginning it is very difficult.

Giving Love a Chance

Right now I am dating this amazing guy Rodrigo. I feel so grateful to have this relationship in my life right now. In a paper I wrote for my Marriage Preparation class, I wrote that one of my goals is to put forth more effort in my relationships and to have the courage to be open and honest with my feelings in the relationship. Shortly thereafter, I met Rodrigo. I feel like this has allowed me to begin working towards fulfilling these goals. He has been such a blessing in my life in that his love has helped me to put forth more effort and overcome some of my fears of commitment.
There were some things I was unsure about in our relationship and I assumed that he may not understand my perspective and be willing to work with me on these particular issues. I felt like it was unfair for me to say what I really wanted in our relationship. So instead of talking these things out with hi m, I told him that I needed to break up with him because we have different ideas of how our relationship should be. Luckily he called me on the fact that I was running from our relationship. He wanted to understand why I felt the way I did. This really allowed me to be willing to be open and honest in my communication with him. I was finally able to express my real concerns and realize that a lot of my actions were influenced by fear. This has been a wonderful and healing turning point in the relationship for me.
Before I could not logically understand some aspects of how things would work out, but I’m beginning to learn that sometimes we can’t understand this right away. If we stay close to God, He will help us to know and feel that what we are doing is right, even if we can not see it at first. Although the devil can imitate many things, he can not imitate feelings of peace. Through the peace of God’s Spirit, we can be assured that what we are pursuing will be a blessing for our lives.
Each day that I spend with Rodrigo, the more I am beginning to understand why God has brought him into my life. I feel so grateful that God is teaching me to learn from this process of dating. I think a lot of times the process is the key, even more than knowing what the end result will be. I also feel grateful that Rodrigo loved me enough to guide me to see things as they truly were. He did not give up on my despite my confusion and doubts. Through his gentle, patient love and the guidance of God, I am gaining the strength to face and recognize my weaknesses. I am learning that I do not need to feel trapped by them, but I can learn and grow because of them. A lot of times loving someone is connected with taking great risks, but the blessing and changes that come through the process of loving someone makes it worth it to face our fears.

Real love vs. Hollywood love

For my marriage prep class we had to read an article which discussed mature versus immature love. The ideas of this article were so intriguing to me. As I have gotten older I have become rather frustrated and disillusioned with the easy romance that Hollywood portrays. I knew that there was so much more required in a real relationship than the movies showed. Yet, watching chick flick after chick flick will eventually skew anyone’s view of love.
I love the concept discussed in this article, that to have mature love we need to have passion, intimacy, and commitment in equal proportions. I think that is so true. A lot of time Hollywood focuses so much on passion, that they forget the very important concepts of being truly committed to that person and also being emotionally intimate with them. I also love how this article emphasized the conscious nature of love. Although I definitely think there should be romantic, exciting feelings, it is so important that the relationship can make sense logically as well. There needs to be a balance between these two things.
This is one of the reasons I feel so blessed to have the direction of the Holy Spirit. As he directs me to understand God’s will, I can learn to seek a direction that I feel with both my mind and my heart. Sometimes in romance we get so caught up with the feelings of our heart that we forget to include our head in the decision. I believe that true love will be similar to what I feel in my life when I feel direction from God through the Holy Spirit. I believe that true love will feel peaceful and uplifting. I feel that true love will increase my ability to understand God’s purpose for me in my life.
A lot of time poems and movies discuss people becoming blinded by love. But I would like to think that true love has the effect of clarifying and strengthening one’s ability to see. I believe that through the process of loving this person, you will be able to understand together more perfectly the plan that God has intended for both of you.

The Changing Tides of Marriage

For my Marriage Preparation class, we have recently been assigned to read several reports of social scientists on marriage. It is interesting to consider these views on marriage. It is rather unsettling to consider the increasing trends towards divorce and cohabitation. Sixty years ago these lifestyles were very uncommon. Additionally, there was so much shame attached to these things. Now due to the influence of trends and how it is portrayed on television, it is practically expected that these things will occur.

I guess I just am so grateful for the opportunity I had to grow up in a home with two married parents. This has made a big difference in my life and I just wish that more people could have that experience. Since both of my parents have stayed married during my life, my mother was able to stay at home with us. It was so wonderful for me to know that I had her as a support at home. I always knew that if I had had a bad day at school, I could return home and talk with my mom. There are no monetary sums or tangible gifts that could value more than the time I had with my mother. I believe her choice to stay at home with us has had a big part in the reason that she is still one of my best friends to this day. I feel so blessed to have grown up with such a wonderful friend and sounding board.

Also, it surprises me to consider the attitudes that so many people have towards marriage. It seems like people enter into relationships and marriage with much more selfish reasoning. I have sometimes recognized this in myself. Many times I have very high, if not unrealistic expectations. Considering these articles made me want to reconsider my expectations of a relationship. Although it is important for me to look out for my best interests, this should not be my only priority. It will be important for me to take into consideration how I can potentially bless my future husband as well. Also, I need to keep in mind the needs of my future children. I am planning on rededicating myself to really getting to know myself so I can understand what God has intended for me. By understanding my strengths and weaknesses, I can be better prepared for whatever is in store for me in my future.

The Calling of Motherhood

For a long time the responsibility of becoming a mother has kind of intimidated me. I know that it is my responsibility and role as a woman to raise my children. Even though I know this, coming to accept this for myself has required a long process of study and prayer. I am grateful that God has allowed me to think through this in my own time and way. Although He knows what will bring us the most happiness, He wants us to desire that knowledge for ourselves and will never force it upon us.

Even though I have come to peace with the fact that I should embrace the role of motherhood, I still have had feelings of fear and inadequacy when I consider actually being a mother. I have seen how draining and demanding this role is and I have wondered how I will be able to find joy through motherhood. As I read through some assignments in my Marriage Preparation class, I began to have some of my concerns resolved.

One quote that changed my perspective a bit was found in the talk “Being a Righteous Husband and Father” by President Howard W. Hunter. He says, “Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind.” It made me pause to think of the implications of this statement. Of all the roles I could have, be it successful career woman, friend, advocate, etc. the role of mother is highest. Another teacher reemphasized this point in class when he explained that motherhood is a calling through which a woman can become more Christ-like than any other calling in this world. Clearly anything that is worth it in this world requires sacrifice. But the blessings are always much more valuable than what we lose. I began to feel that despite my fears and inadequacies, motherhood will bring me so much more than what I will sacrifice.

Additionally, as cliché as it sounds, I have always wanted to in some way change the world. For this reason I have chosen to study social work at school. Yet a comment in Elder Scott’s talk “The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness,” caused me to pause and consider where I can most effectively achieve this goal. He said “Government and social plans will not effectively correct [a weakened home], nor can the best efforts of schools and churches fully compensate for the absence of the tender care of a compassionate mother and wife in the home.” I realized that my impact in my own future home will be far more significant that whatever policy changes or social work I can perform. My social work professor reaffirmed this idea in class the other day. She said that the greatest joy and accomplishment she has found is through her responsibility as a wife and mother.

I still do not know how the details of my life will work out. I do not know what God has planned for me. But I do know that when the time comes I want to dedicate myself to raising my children. This will bring me greater joy and closer to God than anything else I can do in this world.

Changing to Improve Marriage

I loved the talk written by Elder Dallin H. Oaks called “The Challenge to Become.” I think this applies so well to marriage. It is quite simple for anyone to be married and to have the title of husband and wife, but it is a completely different level to become a good spouse and a good couple. This requires a process of sanctification and sacrifice, just life anything else in the gospel.
Just as Elder Oaks discusses, a recent circumstance in my life made me realize that sometimes the difficult things in our given to us to strengthen us. These trying, hard things allow us to readjust our perspectives and be elevated for a bit to a more eternal perspective. The difficult things that happen to us are really an opportunity to draw closer to God and learn to discover what He wants for us. We just need to be willing to humble ourselves and ask Him to help us see.
This process of changes our perspectives is what we need to be able to have an other centered love as President Hinckley discusses in his talk “Except the Lord build the house…” As we learn to readjust our perspective about life in general, this will enable us to learn to adjust our perspective about our spouses. Rather than focusing on the negative, we can choose to actively identify the positive qualities in the other person. This will in turn empower us and help us to better recognize our own divine attributes.
Also, reading this article taught me that the success of my marriage lies heavily on me. I need to focus more on the changes I can make in myself, rather than criticizing my husband. By constantly seeking to improve and strengthen my relationship with God, my relationship with my husband and children will naturally improve as well. The gospel has been structured to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man and this happens through marriage. Naturally when we do our best to follow the principles of the gospel we will be happier in our marriages.

Marriage that Lasts Forever

There have been a lot of things going through my mind recently due to what has happened to some people that I taught while I was a missionary for my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In one family that I taught, the father, Bernardo, recently passed away. I love this family as though they are part of my own family. It seems unreal to me that Bernardo really has died. It has been a hard thing to go through and I wish I could do something more to help the family during this difficult time.
I haven't yet had the opportunity to really process my feelings about this and really come to grips with how I feel. And yet, despite how hard it is, I have a reassuring peace understanding that Bernardo will see his family again. I know that through the gospel of Jesus Christ we can have the opportunity to live with our families forever. It is amazing to me that through making promises with God in sacred buildings called temples, we can be sealed and connected with our family for all time and eternity. Marriage does not need to be "til death do us part."
Bernardo and his wife Maria have done work in the temple and his family is going to finish the process so that they can all be an eternal family. These truths are so important and it's amazing to me that we can share these things over the internet. I have a great hope that maybe something I say here will give others the opportunity to learn how they too can be with their families forever.
Next weekend I will drive down to Los Angeles where another family I taught will have this special service performed called a temple sealing. This service ties a family together for all eternity. It brings me such peace and happiness to think of this family and the blessings that God has prepared for them. I am so grateful to God and how He works in our lives to make it possible for us to be blessed and receive happiness. I know that as we keep trying to do the little things to come closer to Him, He will always reach to us and continue to teach and bless us. I know that God wants us to be married not just for this life, but for all eternity.
Despite how difficult death can be, I know that it is not the end. I know that God has a beautiful plan prepared for us so that we have the opportunity to choose to be with our families forever. I am grateful for that and will continue to do what I need to, to be worthy of those blessings that God has prepared for me.